Page"Jokes"3
  Home Page | Photo Page | Photo2 Page | Photo3 Page | Photo4 Page | Photo5 Page | Photo6 Page | Page about my interests | My natal card | Guest Book Page | Contact Page | Jokes | Custom3 Page | Custom4 Page | Photo Page the newest  

Jokes about nurses
You Might Be a Nurse if...

- when using a public restroom, you wash your hands with soap for a full minute and turn off the faucets with your elbows.

-- when you tell a man you meet for the first time you're a nurse, you're expected to laugh hysterically when he asks you for a sponge bath, as if it was the most original and wittiest thing you've ever heard.

-- your favorite dream is the one where you leave a mess at a patient's bedside and tell a doctor to clean it up.

-- men assume you must be great in bed because of the 9 billion porn movies about nurses.

-- everyone, including complete strangers, tells you about each and every ache and pain they have.

-- you want to put your foot through the TV screen every time you see a nurse on a soap opera doing nothing but talking on the phone and flirting with doctors.

-- you can almost SEE the germs on doorknobs and telephones.

-- you can watch the goriest movie and eat anything afterwards, even spaghetti with lots of tomato sauce.

-- you use a plastic 30cc medicine cup for a shot glass.

More jokes...
Why did the nurse keep the bedpan in the refrigerator?
Because when she kept it in the freezer it took too much skin off.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Patient: "Nurse, I just swallowed my pillow!"
Nurse: "How do you feel?"
Patient: "A little down in the mouth"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You Know that You Are a Nurse When...

You know you are a nurse when discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal.

You know you are a nurse when you compliment a complete stranger on his veins.

You know you are a nurse when you find yourself betting on someone's alcohol level.

You know you are a nurse when you know that K-Y jelly is optional.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you save a doctor from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None - They just have a nursing assistant do it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What 's the difference between a nurse and a nun?
A nun only serves one God.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A nurse dies and goes to heaven. She is met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter who asks her questions about her life. Over St. Peter's shoulder the nurse spots a man in a white coat sitting on a cloud with a stethoscope around his neck.

"Oh brother!", she cries. "Is that a doctor?"

St Peter glances over his shoulder and says, "No, that's God. He just thinks he's a doctor."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
They found a naked dead body of a nurse washed up on the shore today.
How did they know it was a nurse?
She had an empty stomach, a full bladder, and her butt was chewed out.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nurse
A new nurse listened while the doctor was yelling, "Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!"
The new nurse asked another nurse, "Why is he doing that?"
The other nurse replied, "Oh, he just likes to call the shots around here."
Great jokes...
Health Checkup
An old couple goes the doctor, just to check their general health. The husband goes in first and the doctor says: "Well, Mr. Jones, you are in a perfect shape considering your age".

And the man says: "Sure I am: I don't drink, I don't smoke and the good Lord takes care of me".

At which point the doctor seems puzzled and says: "What do you mean?".

The old man replies: "For example, last night I had to go to the toilet and God switched on the light for me, so that I wouldn't fall down."

The doctor doesn't understand and asks the man to go out and let his wife in. The woman enters the room and the doctor visits her and says: "You are in a perfect shape, considering your age".

At which the woman replies: "Sure I am: I don't drink, I don't smoke..."

The doctor interrupts her: "... and the good Lord takes care of you, doesn't He?".

"The woman looks puzzled: "What are you talking about?".

The doctor explains: "Your husband told me. He says the good Lord looks after him. Like last night, when he was in the toilet and God switched on the light for him so that he wouldn't fall".

The woman replies: "Good Lord, he peed in the fridge again!"
Laugh.laugh,laugh